Hyzenthlay

When you say: Can't you take a joke?

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 20:34:52 -0500

When you say: Can't you take a joke?
I hear: I want you to submit to being bullied for my entertainment and convenience.

"Here’s a situation every woman is familiar with: some guy she knows, perhaps a casual acquaintance,..."

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 20:31:42 -0500

“

Here’s a situation every woman is familiar with: some guy she knows, perhaps a casual acquaintance, perhaps just some dude at the bus stop, is obviously infatuated with her. He’s making conversation, he’s giving her the eye. She doesn’t like him. She doesn’t want to talk to him. She doesn’t want him near her. He is freaking her out. She could disobey the rules, and tell him to GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER, and continue screaming GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME every time he tries to step closer, or speak to her again. And then he will be all, “I was just talking to you! WTF!” and everybody else will be all, “Yeah, seriously, why’d you freak out at a guy just talking to you?” and refuse to offer the support she needs to be safe from dude. Or, the guy might become hostile, violent even. Ladies, you’ve seen that look, the “bitch can’t ignore me” look. It’s a source of constant confusion, as soon as you start budding breasts, that the man who just a moment ago told you how pretty you are is now calling you a stupid ugly whore, all because you didn’t get in his car.

You could follow the rules. You could flirt back a little, look meek, not talk, not move away. You might have to put up with a lot more talking, you might have to put up with him trying to ask you out to lunch every day, you might even have to go out to lunch with him. You might have to deal with him copping a feel. But he won’t turn violent on you, and neither will the spectators who have watched him browbeat you into a frightened and flirtatious corner.

So we learn the rules will protect us. We learn that, when we step out of line, somebody around us might very well turn crazy. Might hurt us. And we won’t be defended by onlookers, who think we’ve provoked the crazy somehow. So, having your ass grabbed at the bus stop, having to go out to dinner with a guy you fucking can’t stand, maybe even having to fuck him once or twice, it’s a small sacrifice to avoid being ostracized, insulted, verbally abused, and possibly physically assaulted.

It’s a rude fucking awakening when a woman gets raped, and follows the rules she has been taught her whole life — doesn’t refuse to talk, doesn’t refuse to flirt, doesn’t walk away ignoring him, doesn’t hit, doesn’t scream, doesn’t fight, doesn’t raise her voice, doesn’t deny she liked kissing — and finds out after that she is now to blame for the rape. She followed the rules. The rules that were supposed to keep the rape from happening. The rules that would keep her from being fair game for verbal and physical abuse. Breaking the rules is supposed to result in punishment, not following them. For every time she lowered her voice, let go of a boundary, didn’t move away, let her needs be conveniently misinterpreted, and was given positive reinforcement and a place in society, she is now being told that all that was wrong, this one time, and she should have known that, duh.

For anybody who has ever watched the gendered social interactions of women — watched a woman get browbeaten into accepting attention she doesn’t want, watched a woman get interrupted while speaking, watched a woman deny she is upset at being insulted in public, watched a woman get grabbed because of what she was wearing, watched a woman stop arguing — and said and done nothing, you never have the right to ever ask, “Why didn’t she fight back?”

She didn’t fight back because you told her not to. Ever. Ever. You told her that was okay, and necessary, and right.

You didn’t give her a caveat. You didn’t say, “Unless…” You said, “Good for you, shutting up and backing down 99% of the time. Too bad that 1% of the time makes you a fucking whore who deserved it.”

Nobody obtains the superpower to behave dramatically differently during a frightening confrontation. Women will behave the same way they have been taught to behave in all social, professional, and sexual interactions. And they will be pretty goddamned surprised to come out the other end and find out that means they can legally be raped at any time, by just about anybody.

”

- http://fugitivus.wordpress.com/2009/06/26/another-post-about-rape-3/ (via seebster)

And this is why giving women guns to prevent rape won’t work — unless you’re saying that women should have legal and social approval to pull a gun on Creepy Guy, and to shoot him if he starts yelling and calling her a bitch. Somehow I don’t think that’s what they want …

(via doctorscienceknowsfandom)

Ugh, that ‘guy at the bus stop’ example has totally happened to me. I shut him down, fast, when he actually tried something (I said no and he then tried to convince me that HE knew MY brain and what I wanted better than I did - a stranger at the bus stop!!! I told him to get lost, in not so nice terms, and when the bus arrived HE TRIED TO SIT NEXT TO ME ON THE BUS WHEN THERE WERE PLENTY OF SEATS AVAILABLE. HE STILL SMILED AT ME EXPECTANTLY LIKE I WAS GOING TO WELCOME HIS COMPANY AFTER I’D ALREADY TOLD HIM I WASN’T INTERESTED AND HE NEEDED TO LEAVE ME ALONE). When I complained about him to my friends later on…yeah. They sided with him.

(via suzvoy)

Photo

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 20:29:57 -0500

guardianangelof5hommos: acciobenedictcumberbatch: fuckyeahrainb...

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 10:52:17 -0500

guardianangelof5hommos:

acciobenedictcumberbatch:

fuckyeahrainbowhair:

fallingfate:

rapeculturemakesmeangry:

This is from the slut walk. One of the arguments is that girls ask for rape because they wear slutty clothes, short skirts, tight, low-cut tops. This girl is an example of the fact that rape victims can look like anyone, you, me, this girl. Rapists. Dont. Discriminate.

I promised a long time ago that I’d reblog this whenever I saw it on my dash. No regrets, it breaks my heart every single time.

an incredibly important message, rape is rape. no one is ever asking for it. a woman has the right to dress how ever they want - it is society that identifies risque dressing as ‘asking for it’, and in my opinion, that way of thinking needs to be diminished.

Always, always reblog.

Doesn’t matter what your blog is about. Forever reblog.

flutiebear: jesrever: one-bite-at-a-time: aka 99% of Fox News...

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 10:44:24 -0500

flutiebear:

jesrever:

one-bite-at-a-time:

aka 99% of Fox News programming.

NEED THIS FOR SCHOOL.

This should be passed out for free with every new modem purchase.

daughterofscotland: self-harm-problems: once-upon-a-smile: Thi...

Sat, 15 Dec 2012 14:28:21 -0600

daughterofscotland:

self-harm-problems:

once-upon-a-smile:

This is Victoria Soto, and although I didn’t know her, she is my hero. I don’t know too much about her. Victoria was a Stratford high graduate and only 27. She was killed after she hid her first graders in closets and cabinets and told the shooter they were in the gym. He killed her and not one of her children were harmed. God bless Victoria, her family and friends, and all of those who were involved in anyway. Victoria is a true hero.
Reblog as a sign of respect for those innocent lives that were lost.

I don’t care what kind of blog you have, no excuse for not reblogging this.

I just imagined what she did and then I asked myself: How did she convinced the kids to stay quiet? How DID they stay quiet. And how long did they stay hidden, did someone find them, did they come out on their own, finding their teacher murdered?

Oh god…

neurowolf: tavbro: zeurel: razorbladesammich: g-aesthetic: s...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 14:17:48 -0600

neurowolf:

tavbro:

zeurel:

razorbladesammich:

g-aesthetic:

simply-war:

Oh our government…Truly the most functional and most effective in the world.

REBLOG this and never forget it.

THIS is what frustrates me the most about people who complain that Obama was ineffective. If you consider the childish, playground-bully tactics the GOP adopted, it’s astounding he got as much done as he did.

The land of the free~

i wish i could show this to my dad.

THIS !

I can’t believe more Americans aren’t fully fucking aware of this.

"There are only two types of men who are upset that they need permission before they can have sex:..."

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 12:24:14 -0500

“There are only two types of men who are upset that they need permission before they can have sex: rapists and potential rapists.”

- name-em-shame-em (via thisgingersnapsback)

People full stop.

(via cauda-pavonis)

i will not ever stop reblogging this

(via methodistcoloringbook)

"A woman’s worst nightmare? That’s pretty easy. Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a..."

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 15:55:27 -0500

“A woman’s worst nightmare? That’s pretty easy. Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, “They are afraid women will laugh at them.” When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, “We’re afraid of being killed.””

- http://www.pbs.org/kued/nosafeplace/articles/nightmare.html (via alullaby)

That sums it up

[trigger warning for the commentary below]

(via erikawithac)

This reminds me of a discussion we had in school, and one girl was talking about living in fear of her safety because she is a girl, and this guy chimed in and was all “It’s hard for guys too! I’m so awkward around girls! It’s embarrassing!” Yeah, not the same thing, exactly?

(via tulletulle)

Wow.

(via kittencoaster)

This reminds me of an article about online (heterosexual) dating that I read a while ago. It listed men’s and women’s worst fears about meeting someone from online. The highest ranked fear that men had was that their date would be fat, whereas the highest ranked fear that women had was that their date would turn out to be violent and kill them.

I think that says a lot.

(via kaitg)

Its interesting also that these fears sit subconsciously until woman are asked to exams their responses to men. We women will operate with this fear in mind, the way we protect ourselves, make sure our friends know where we are when we go on a date, words that we use while interacting with men, all in hopes they will not kill us, but simultaneously love us.

I think bell hooks made a point about this in her series on love. something along the lines of how can women hope to love and receive love from men when at the foundation of our relationships there is this strong fear of men. you can’t build true trust when your foundation is crumbling under you.

the scariest part is, once you recognize this fear, and face it, how do you address it when there is evidence of “good” men abusing, hurting, and killing women everyday?

(via becomingchichi)

I was in my early 20’s when one of my homegirls broke this down for me.

I was in a broken relationship, and one of the things was that bugged me at the time was that the girlfriend at the time would freak out whenever I got angry - I never yelled, never throw or hit things, mostly, I just needed some time to cool out.

“Why does she get scared when I’m angry? I’d never hit her!”

“But she doesn’t KNOW that. She can’t assume that. Look at how many dudes are out there pulling shit.”

And that stuck with me for a hot minute. The relationship was broken on so many levels anyway, but that fact still remains, as a man, I can’t fault women for assuming the worst in order to protect themselves, especially how the world’s patriarchy and misogyny rolls.

(via bankuei)

My brain knows that my husband won’t hit me. Really, the logical part of me totally gets that. But when we’re arguing he has to stay on the other side of the room & not yell too loud because my fight or flight instincts have 25+ years of being hard wired that loud = violent & our 11 year relationship isn’t long enough to undo that.

(via karnythia)

I’ve had continual discussions with Tchy about this, and I don’t expect to stop. It’s fair to say that there’s no one in the world that I trust more, and he has been extremely careful with me, but… the fact remains that he leans quite a bit towards the masculine, and this means that that fear is always there. The news of transmasculine folks abusing/raping people doesn’t help that fear any. :(

I’m learning not to apologize for it. It’s not my fault (nor, really, is it his) that I’m scared of dude-type people. But it’s always there. Which is another reason why I get so pissed off when trans men try to make transmisogyny about them.

(via kiriamaya)

men, read all of this please. including the commentary. esp if you consider yourself a Nice Guy.

(via static-nonsense)

This is an incredible thread of responses. I’ve seen this quote before, but not the dialogue that built up around it. The part about loud=violent hits home particularly hard for me. I am terrified of getting into irl arguments with men, especially when they get loud. It’s always going to sit in the pit of my stomach.

(via mizbingley)

That part resonates for me too, although from a completely different angle. Despite being more terrified of sexual violence than I am of anything other than my own brain, I do not hesitate to yell, confront, get up in the face of, threaten, even hit men twice my size and many times my strength. Faced with a threat of violence from men, I will either imply or state “I dare you to.”

I also, as previously established on this blog, have a death wish.

To me, that encapsulates everything about the violence, especially sexual violence, coded into relationships between men and women in our society: for a woman to assert herself in the face of maleness may require the woman in question (such as me) to be perpetually suicidal.

(via 14kgoldnyc)

Reblogging for commentary. I have been frightened and scared by men being loud with me, even if I don’t think they’ll be violent. Like people have said above, it’s just a latent response in your brain to fear violence from men.

I went out to dinner with someone a couple of weeks ago (LONG story, was supposed to be a group dinner but it ended up just being me & a strange man) and I told him I blogged about feminism and politics, and he went off on me. He told me feelings were bullshit and women just wanted special privileges, and then he said, “Women don’t give men enough credit for not being violent psychopaths. That’s what we are, deep down. We want to rape and pillage, and we don’t, and women don’t give us enough credit for that.” I burst into tears. That shit was terrifying.

(via stfuconservatives)

I’ll always reblog this when it comes across my blog with different commentary! It’s all important!

(via everythingbutharleyquinn)

I referenced this quote in a discussion I was having with a teacher a few weeks ago. He shifted uncomfortably and didn’t say anything for a few minutes, then told me “I couldn’t write like that in an essay.”

The truth hurts, huh.

(via gtfothinspo)

14K and I are twins because I will not hesitate to answer a physical threat from a man. It’s a built-in response from years of watching my mother get hurt that I WOULD NOT go down so gently.

And even with non-physical responses. I don’t let anyone in, I don’t lean on anyone, I don’t trust anyone because damnit I will not let myself go through what she did. And I’m definitely a “I’ll hurt you before you hurt me” kinda person.

Therapy’s making it better, but these ingrained fight or flight defensive mechanism aren’t uncommon.

(via nanner)

I too am reblogging this for the amazing commentary.

When supposed feminist ally men deny this very basic, simple truth - that’s how you know they are an ally to no one.

This all gets taught to women at a very young age, how dangerous the world is when you’re in it being a woman. I’ve been struggling to write about something that happened with my daughter a few weeks ago, how to form the words, but this is possibly the best context.

We were in the wine shop, in line to pay, and she was so excited to get her lollipop (in the time honored tradition of wine stores everywhere). A man two people ahead of us started fighting with the woman behind the counter about how much money he’d given her. As I was moving her behind my body, my daughter froze, and when I say froze, I mean wasn’t moving a muscle except to shake.

It sorted itself out pretty quickly. We paid and left.

Once we got back into the car, she started crying. I asked her what was the matter, and she said, “Mama, I was so scared. When men get angry they shoot people.”

That’s a direct quote. When men get angry, they shoot people.

I asked her, “baby, why do you think that?” She replied, “on NPR, that’s what happens. When men get really mad they kill people. That guy was really mad, what if he had a gun? What would you do?”

The talk we had afterwards was difficult; no one said parenting was easy. But this is the life we live as women. If my 9 year old understands it, then men of the world, alleged feminist allies, Nice Guys, random douches on the street, and even actual non-dangerous men: so can you.

(via someauthorgirl)

I cant take men posturing me. Or getting loud with me. Fight or flight kicks in. And, like karny, ima be as far away as possible while talking if im feelin some kinna way. I have every reason to respond that way. We all do. Its the norm for us to incur the wrath of men. (via bad-dominicana)

Reblogging for the truth in this thread. There are two men in my life who I know will never hit me. One is my dad, the other is a guy I’ve come to consider my brother. Everyone else, if you do anything that implies any sort of threat to my person, fight or flight will kick in because that’s what I’ve been taught. And, if I feel like I can take you in a fight, I will not stop until you’re immobile on the ground because then you can’t come after me when I run away.

Sorry, dudebros, but that’s how it is. I’ve seen some fucked-up shit happen to my female friends at the hands of Nice Guys(tm) and I refuse to let that happen to me.

(via secretlyscully)

As a man, I think the best thing I can do here is repost this for all of my followers to see and learn from.

(via religiousragings)

When the commentary has more impact than the original post…

…that’s Tumblr.

(via jackpowerx)

Amazing commentary. As always, I will link to the essay Schrodinger’s Rapist, which says what I feel about this better than I ever could.

(via lavishness)

perspi-looks: quigonejinn: To see this is to reblog it,...

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 11:27:43 -0500

perspi-looks:

quigonejinn:

To see this is to reblog it, goddammit.

REBLOG AGAIN AND AGAIN

drunkholland: I haven’t read all of these (the ones that I have...

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 17:56:46 -0500

drunkholland:

I haven’t read all of these (the ones that I have read are pretty much reserved to the first 8). But this is a list of all of the Sterek AU’s I’ve found (66 of them, in case you’re wondering).

Alpha Spikes

Darling It’s No Joke

The ETA from You to Me

Simple Math

If Garlic and I Had A Baby, I Would Eat It

The Sanctuary

The Mechanic and the Pea

Desperate But Not Serious

A Broken Heart Is Blind

Ain’t No Casablanca

All This Has Happened

Black Sheep

C’mon Now Sugar

Chasing The Sun

Disambiguation

Hey There Little Red…

Last Lovesong of a Dying Lemon

Off the Path

you needed it (he tasted you inside out)

Even Forbidden Fruit Gets Picked

Love Potion Number Stiles

Poltergeists and the Open Road

For A Good Cuddle Call Stilinski

Hail To Whatever You Found In The Sunlight

I Feel So Close To You Right Now

In Love Accidentally

I’ve Underestimated My Charm (Again)

If You Get Lost You Can Always Be Found

Late Night Basement Songs

Stuck Like Glue

The Oak Tree

missed you so bad (before you came into my life)

This is Halloween

You With Air

(my house is) such a sad mile away

My Patience is a Medal

My, What Large Teeth You Have

Raptus Regaliter

Rifle To The Heart

Second-hand book shops are the new romantic back-drops

Show You What All That Howl Is For

Some Things Don’t Change, Except When They Do

The Forgotten Predator

The Inside Job

The Quick and the Dead

This Heart’s On Fire

tomorrow’s paper (never meant for)

I Died So I Could Haunt You

Undercover Work Sucks (Pun absolutely intended)

Wander The Earth

We Should Become More Adventurous

you turned around and stole my heart

Your Own Personal Jarvis

adore to see your eyes fly

Always Yours To Have

Being In A Pack

Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble

go home, or make a home

Hoards of Gold and Treasure

Hugs and Quiches

It’s all in the Script (we swear)

Love Was A Ghost Whose Shape Kept Shifting

Song of the Last Day

Unstable

Words like Sparks

You Can’t File a Missing Persons Report on a Lost Dog (and that’s a Doggone Shame)

Superdaddies: Updated Links List

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 17:48:29 -0500

Superdaddies: Updated Links List:

superdaddies:

Stuff Thou should know about

The New Captain America/Iron Man Slashy Moments List

A giant list of all the Stony moments in the comics, you will probably just sit there reading them and go “Whu are your serious? nobody thought they were couple, at all?”

An Issue by Issue Guide to…

abaldwin360: waronidiocy: If Dr. Seuss Books Were Titled...

Sat, 04 Aug 2012 21:41:02 -0500

abaldwin360:

waronidiocy:

If Dr. Seuss Books Were Titled According to Their Subtexts

Always reblog!

"When gays get so angry about a chicken sandwich, it is because Chick-fil-A has given around $5..."

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 17:40:06 -0500

“When gays get so angry about a chicken sandwich, it is because Chick-fil-A has given around $5 million to fight to discriminate against us. When we praise brave Eagle Scouts who give up their badges in protest of the Boy Scouts of America’s prejudice, it’s not about scoring political points; it’s because there are kids in dens who are being taught to believe that they are less than equal. When we rant about the pastor who preaches that gays should be thrown into a concentration camp, we scream out of fear. And our fears are justified — in the last seven days, a lesbian in Nebraska was carved with a knife, a gay man in Oklahoma was firebombed, and a girl in Kentucky was kicked and beaten — her jaw broken and her teeth knocked out — while her assailants allegedly hurled anti-gay slurs at her.”

- Conor Gaughan - “We Are Not Arguing Over Chicken” (Huffington Post)

"‎Rape culture is a culture in which people who have survived a violent crime are asked to laugh..."

Tue, 01 May 2012 19:53:32 -0500

“‎Rape culture is a culture in which people who have survived a violent crime are asked to laugh about it because other people think it’s funny.”

- (i wish i could put this on a business card and hand it out to people who make rape jokes. the flip side would say FUCK YOU)

"Even if we put aside the question of fetal personhood and assume that a fetus should have the same..."

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 08:07:01 -0500

“Even if we put aside the question of fetal personhood and assume that a fetus should have the same rights as a born human being, giving that fetus the right to use another person’s body for its surivval would give it privileges that born people do not have. In no other case is a person legally compelled to use their body and their internal organs to sustain another’s life. We do not require parents to donate kidneys or even blood to their children, and we do not require anyone to be a good Samaritan and risk their life or health for another. It is difficult to imagine a case in which we would legally require a father to keep his child physically attached to his body, using his organs for survival, physically impairing him, and requiring him to miss work and possibly undergo surgery, for nearly ten months.
It would be difficult to make the case that the child (or full-grown adult) has a right to use their father’s body for survival. Yet this is exactly what opponents of abortion rights argue— except the body in question is female,”

- Offensive Feminism, Jill Filipovic (via lavender-labia)

iExplorer - Formerly iPhone Explorer, is an iPhone browser for Mac and PC

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:49:57 -0600

iExplorer - Formerly iPhone Explorer, is an iPhone browser for Mac and PC

firstbook: Our friends at Random House Children’s Books have...

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 16:44:57 -0600

firstbook:

Our friends at Random House Children’s Books have generously agreed to donate one brand-new book for each new follower we gain on Tumblr, Facebook, and Twitter this week. Those books will go to thousands of schools and programs serving kids from low-income families across the country.

Please Re-blog!

To learn more about First Book, please visit: www.firstbook.org